Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
