I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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