Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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