I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
