i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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