I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish you could order shots online.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
