plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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