You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
