If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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