the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
