He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
