Your dad touched me again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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