Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
