Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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