If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize