But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
