I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
