I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Pooping to opera.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
