I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
