Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
