I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
