she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize