legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize