All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
