you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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