I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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