i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize