I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
