i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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