her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
