where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
