i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish i was in the wii world.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize