I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
