where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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