my phone needs a breathalizer
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
