I cut my penus on the lid.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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