you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
