There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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