How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Let the clothes fall where they may.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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