I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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