I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
