Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
