This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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