I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
where are my eyebrows?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
