I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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