Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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