I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
