you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
