so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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