at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
