You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This is the high leading the old right now
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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