Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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