Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
