also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
