what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
