So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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