we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize