if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's blow job season.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
