I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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