I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
