I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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