Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
