just tell him i said nine months
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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