yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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