I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
