Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
