I skipped work to stalk him.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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