i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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