woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
