So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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