I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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