textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize