and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
