i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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