I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
