So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
