I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
