On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
