the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
